Smile... (part 2)

Sometimes  you cant feign participation

In garrulous ventures,

Sometimes you cant offer concurrence

To people’s opinions,

Sometimes  you feel the urge

To retaliate and disapprove,

Sometimes  you are red with anger

And long to reveal the reasons,

Sometimes you want to jeer and deride

And divulge that you can see through peoples  layers,

Sometimes  you want to scream your lungs out

And call foul

Sometimes you want to tell the world

You have never been understood,
Sometimes you yearn to unravel,
All your pent up dreams,
Sometimes you want to let people know

You don’t actually care,

Sometimes you want to break to shackles

The unfairness that’s life,

Sometimes you want to do a million things like that

That you might perhaps never do,

And in every such confrontation,

All you do
Is just let out a smile,

A smile that gives you the contentment of communication,

And the safety of non comprehension…….

On a blank stare day,

When conversations around you,

Make circles by your side,

And leave without impaling the mind,

When words that arise

From some alternate vocal cord,

Die somewhere between the throat and the tongue,

When thoughts roughly sync with,

And influence the breath,

When life in all its unfairness,

Has the audacity and malice,

To lay itself bare in front of you,

I was ruminating over a recurrent doubt,

A doubt that had trampled other thoughts for preference,

That had risen above the others

Merely cos of its inconsequentiality…

Where does tear root from?

Not the anatomy, not the physiology,

But the emotional chain of cause,

Cos if I had comprehended well,

It should be here by now,

That dew drop clinging to the corner,

Before letting go,

And all its retinues….

Yes, it should have been here,

Clouding the vision,

Replacing the ‘distance’ in the stare,

Or expanding it….

But Today I am left with just the gaze,

Waiting for the dryness to be replaced,

Waiting for an outburst,

So that when its over,

I can go back to my normal vision…

And as I wait, I wonder,

Where exactly is it coming from,

Why the delay,

Or has my threshold altered?!

If.....

Of all the questions

That life throws at you,

And vice versa,

There is one that’s

Irreversible as time,

Cruel as boredom,

Sharp as tongue,

Helpless as lost love,

Lost as loveless marriage,

Flawless as  child’s smile,

Cavernous as a concealed tear,

Tardy as the yearly monsoon,

Clear as a drop of rain,

Misty as a cascade,

Painful as gangrene,

Numbing as rime,

Redundant as rhyme....

When at the twilight of life,

You look back a few decades

and reflect, 

“If it were a mistake?”

...

Foam laden,

Ready to spill,

As the softie head,

A flawed white,

Graying at the edges,

Like the painter’s fading stroke,

Indefinite and bounded,

Hangs the distant cloud.

Adorning an unmistakable black,

A speck in the clouds’ milieu,

Scaling its varying length,

Traverses the dark bird.

The quintessential frame of

Freedom.

Black and white.

Dream.

Until then...

Someday,

When alone and idle,

And too whacked to let the present or future rule,

When I let thoughts permeate the thinnest of cortical pores,

I would dig through the lapses in time..

And excavate,

That void in the continuum called memory,

That expedient trash of the undemented,

That oft bypassed obstacle in the path of reality,

That pocket of convenient memory slips,

That pulls into its labyrinth,

People, events, moments and ambitions,

That dissolves into its abyss,

Victories, laughter, defeats, and tears,

That

Oblivion.

Until then,

I would continue to stack up,

Until then,

I would continue to dodge idleness.

Relationships

Once you are on board,

Forget solitude,

Give up tranquility,

Its going to follow you,

Everywhere,

All the time.

It reeves In between the ‘how are you', and ‘am doing fine’

As the indecisive hesitation,

It inhabits that blank stare

That you had never let anything to fill up,

It rolls all your thoughts and wraps into a single ball

Becoming the wrapper itself,

It permeates your playlist

And picks the tracks to its temper,

It foists itself on your temper,

And before you realize, it terms you a gadfly!

It is all the nonsensical words that you unintentionally speak,

The tautology that runs through your sentences,

Yes, You are on board.

Those thumbs that happily pained in texts

Now debate as to who among them did the bigger damage,

Those fold of skin between your brows

Plead to be ironed back from the constant frown,

Those movies you watched all years long

About the ever insentient clan, smile back from memory, in sheer smugness,

Those dreamy bards of yore

You pray they better not catch your sight, for fear of cold blooded murder,

Yes, you are on board.

And just when you decide you are done and quitting,

When you urge to claim back your old self,

There surges a breeze of new hope, all over again,

The slimmest change in weather,

And,

Forget solitude,

Give up tranquility...........

Take my gyan,

You are on board.

Take my gyan,

You are not getting down.

Precarious

In every predicament I face,

An inner hassle joins,

Sometimes taking over entirely,

Snatching the focus,

Blurring all vision,

Replacing the extant trepidation,

Creating its own,

And all that remains of the situation,

Is the immediate threat,

Of that precarious little droplet…

Forget the cascade of the mawkish,

This is about that singular traitor of courage.

And hence When I sat that day,

Like so many others,

In a quagmire of solution less tribulations,

With a spate of people around,

Trying to dissolve me into their conversations,

I was fighting something else,

A mockingly tiny mass called tear.

That restive bead of water,

Finding its groove and precariously perched,

Was warning me of its slip.

Like the last drop of glue

That peeps in and out of the tube,

It played its game on me.

The pressure building steadily,

I refused to blink, persisting with the stare,

And when finally alone,

With just me and my dew,

I closed my eyes,

The lids zipping hard,

And my cheeks wetted.

Phew!